I worry about issues of counseling in many marriages today. Many couples simply marry with the intention that counseling will bring solution to all marriage problems. They rely totally on tools provided by counselors to make their marriages work. That's false. The first problem is the intention for getting together as couple. Unfortunately, some young men and ladies are scared of commitment to the bond of marriage. Recently, I met a "couple" who already has one handsome boy together. As we conversed, they narrated how they've been friends and lived together for four years. But these guys weren't ready to get married yet. Their reason was that they're not sure if it will work out between the two of them. Startling, right? I imagined what these young folks meant by "if it will work out", after four years together with a kid.
That's the issue with marriage nowadays. Young men and ladies are sort of experimenting, which expresses lack of faith. Maybe faith in themselves first, then in each other, and finally faith in God. Most young men and ladies are scared they can't keep to their partners for life. Hence, they try it out. They enter into relationship with "Maybe". Their inherrent feeling is that it may or may not work out. When it works out, it becomes mere luck, if it doesn't then it doesn't. Marriage relationship has been stripped of the sacrifice element. It depends on conditions.
For marriages to work out, first, married couples have to be aware of their commitments to each other. Although counseling may be an option, couples should understand that counselors and counseling aren't perfect. Most counselors are themselves struggling to save their marriages too. They look out for resources. Most of them recognize the need for God, and tap into the divine. And they succeed. That means that they may not have all the keys. Counseling can only work if the recipients are committed to the guidelines of the process, and importantly to themselves. If parties acknowledge their responsibilities, then counseling works. And what worked for one couple might not work for the other. That makes it imperative for every couple to treat their marriage union as unique.
Secondly, couples must recognize that marriage is a spiritual union, much more than physical. If marital emphasis is placed on physical attraction only, it loses its vigor once that attraction is gone. The soul has its transcendental beauty which radiates to the external. It is this beauty of the soul that sustains the physical. The beautiful soul connects the body to the spirit and links up intimately to God. This beauty cherishes divine goodness and love. This beauty recognizes that God is love. This same beauty recognizes that marriage should be open to divine love which is characterized by commitment and sacrifice. It recognizes that commitment is an ingredient in both good and bad times. It recognizes the importance of journeying together in a relatioship. It recognizes that journeying together involves challenges, obstacles and trials. These challenges can be overcome with the power of love.
Counseling therefore, becomes a secondary component in marriage. Commitment wins the game. Commitment means giving oneself to one's partner unreservedly and to God the Source of the marriage union. It means unconditional engagement to one's spouse. It means recognizing the power of the spiritual over the physical in a marriage relationship.